6 Ways to Get Digitally Safer from an Abuser
This post is mainly directed towards people who are living in abusive situations and relationships, people who are looking for ways to get a little safer and hopefully break free from the grasp an abuser may have trapped you with.
We live in a digital world. Human sex trafficking is more complicated than the physical violence, invasion, and physical abuse. There are elements of digital stalking, financial abuse, threats, abuse of information, blackmailing, dark web, and other digital elements that make the trafficking world much more difficult to navigate when trying to escape. I can only speak to my experience, and my escape took years because of the digital aspect of abuse and trafficking. The concept of ownership was more than just physical. While being trafficked, my John owned my body, as well as my money, my phone, my wallet/identifications, my time, and my information.
After I was able to escape the physical demands of sex trafficking, I still dealt with the after effects of existing in the trafficking world for so long. For example, my John was able to stalk me by tracking my phone without my knowledge. He had hacked into my Facebook account to get more information on my location, people I knew, place I worked, etc. So much information is stored digitally, and its so easy to access. Here are some ways you can make your digital world a bit safer:
1. Get a VPN
If you own a laptop, tablet, smartphone, or any device like that, getting a VPN is a good way to make sure your information is secure and can't be hacked by an outside party. During my escape, which took and lasted years, I was hacked several times through my Facebook account. After tracking where the hacker came from, I could identify who it was and knew exactly the person who had logged into my account and even changed my password so I couldn't access it anymore. Getting a VPN and securing your information is crucial to escaping the trafficking world, because there are so many ways your information can be accessed and then used against you.
There are several ways to get a VPN. I used Express VPN, but there are so many options and plans to chose from. Pick one that fits your budget and needs, your safety is worth it.
2. Change your cell phone provider
Changing your phone number is not enough. My John would constantly take my phone and wallet while I was with him. I was never allowed to have it out; it always had to be in his possession. Because of this I was also never able to get pictures or information on him. While he had my phone, he was taking information off of it. He also had a tech who worked for him who knew how to get information off of phones so they were trackable even with the location turned off. I'm not educated or an expertise in that type of stuff, but I know that if you are educated in it, then it's relatively easy to do, especially with Apple (I've been told).
Because of this, when you're changing your number it's important to just go to a new provider, open a new account, with a new number, and tell no one about it (except for the safe people in your life). I've changed my number several times throughout my life because of trying to escape the digital stalking aspect of human trafficking, and since I was unaware of how tracking worked, I didn't realize that just changing my number basically did nothing towards enhancing security.
3. Change your address on your ID
If you're able to, changing the address on your drivers license or ID helps a lot with keeping you safe at home, and it's relatively easy to do. First, find a friend you trust (and trust where they live - this will be your new "address"), and have some of your mail sent to that address (bills, medical documents, etc.) When you have at least 2 pieces of mail with that new address and your name on it, you can update your ID at the DMV. There will be a fee for a new card, and if you're able to swing it, it will be worth it.
The point of changing your address on your ID is so that when that information is retrieved digitally, it will show an address different than where you actually live. Of course, some authorities have access to previous residencies, and unfortunately a lot of the time those authorities and abusers overlap, but changing your legal address will provide a pillow of space between your John or abuser and where your currently reside.
4. Get off social media
Social media is a hub of information, and FULL of easy ways to hack/take advantage of your information. You don't need to be a computer wiz to find information on mutual friends, retrieve locations, and narrow down on specific info you might be looking for. That being said, taking a break from social media is a must. Not only deactivating your accounts, but completely deleting them. Don't worry! You can save and download all of your photos and memories to your device before you de-activate. This is an important step to appear as if you've vanished off the face of the earth.
When I deleted my social media accounts, they were down for at least a year. While the purpose was to remain hidden from Johns and unsafe people, I really benefited from the break and it helped my mental health a lot. Apart from the threats of hovering abuse, I wasn't drowning in endless scrolls, obsessed with my likes and follows, and dependent on digital connection (but instead was engaging in more real-life connection with family and friends).
Getting rid of my social media accounts helped me realize how active my abuser was on them. For example, a regular of mine had found me on snapchat (despite privacy settings on), tracked my location, and found me at a local drag show. He then found me the next day and raped me. It's terrifying how easy it is for people to find you if they know how.
5. Close bank accounts
The fifth step of closing your bank accounts is important if you suffer from financial abuse. I have experience as a victim of financial abuse, as my John had access to my credit and debit cards and would take my money without me knowing, leaving me several times to find my account withdrawn. If. you are a survivor of financial abuse as well, I would encourage you to switch banks, open up new accounts, and then close your old bank account. This is a step to do once you have some distance between you and your abuser, because otherwise your John or abuser will simply gain access again to your new account if you haven't established space between them.
You could just open a new account with the same bank, but like the cell phone providers, I imagine it's easier to hack into and access bank information if some of the information is the same. As a disclaimer, I am not a hacker. I don't understand how accessing that information works, but I have been hacked and digitally taken advantage of enough times to know that it's a relatively easy thing for someone to do who is educated in that field.
6. Ditch your burner.
Burners can be useful for any number of reasons, but for me they represented a toxic connection with my abuser. They were the main communication between me, my Johns, and people in charge to tell me where to go next and when to show up. To get rid of it used to be a terrifying thought, because the consequences of not being accessible would have been hell, and they were hell the times I didn't follow through. Getting rid of your burner is a really big step. It's terrifying, and takes so much courage to do. This is a step that I took once I knew the consequences were off the table. Of course, that's not a guarantee, but safety is the number one concern. Because of that element, this step is really complicated. This step is also not the end all of escaping an abusive relationship, but it sure does help provide a little more breathing room.
It took me years to be ready to get rid of my burner phones, because essentially I was letting go of the only lifestyle I had known for so long. If you're considering getting rid of your burner, I would do it after you've made other safety steps, because its highly possible that after you don't answer a call, someone will come looking for you. That's why this is the last step in this entry; in my opinion, it's a step you should take towards the end of your escape. Again, I'm only speaking from my experience, and from lessons that I've learned along the way, but you know your situation best.
Two of these suggestions require no financial cost to you (getting off social m media, ditching your burner). But unfortunately, a lot of these methods of gaining more safety cost some amount of money. If you can afford it, it's a good investment to make, because it could mean steps closer to your freedom and safety. If you can't afford to take these steps, reach out to people in your life. Is there anyone who knows what's going on? Is there anyone in your life that you can trust? They might be a good resource for you and could help you take some of these steps towards safety.
Out of all of these steps, I have to say that getting off social media was the easiest and quickest step to take, followed by getting a VPN, changing cell phone plans, bank accounts, and finally getting rid of the burner phone was the most difficult. It was only possible to do with a good, solid support system. Finding community is an essential step to begin to build a safer life for yourself. I wasn't able to take these steps without first having people to depend on for community, comfort, and defense. I have my chosen family to thank for being there, helping me make these tough decisions, and eventually putting my safety first through my journey towards a better life.
Comments
Post a Comment